Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but when one parent becomes coercive and emotionally manipulative, the burden often falls unfairly on the child. One of the most damaging ways this manifests is through parentification—when a child is forced into an adult role, either emotionally or physically, to support the parent instead of being cared for as a child.
Parentification can have long-term psychological consequences, including anxiety, depression, difficulty setting boundaries, and a lifelong pattern of feeling overly responsible for others. Below, we explore two major types of parentification—emotional and physical—along with real-world examples of how coercive parents engage in this harmful dynamic.
1. Emotional Parentification
(This occurs when a child becomes the parent’s therapist, mediator, or emotional crutch.)
10 Examples of Emotional Parentification:
Confiding Adult Problems – The parent shares financial, legal, or personal struggles that the child cannot fix.
Example: “I have no idea how I’m going to make rent this month. Your dad/mom ruined my life when he/she left.”
Emotional Dumping – The child becomes the parent’s emotional caretaker, taking on the role of a therapist.
Example: “I don’t think I’ll ever find love again. No one will ever want me after what your mom/dad did to me.”
Forcing Loyalty by Badmouthing the Other Parent – The parent makes the child feel guilty for loving the other parent.
Example: “I don’t know how you can still want to see your dad /mom after everything he did to us.”
Using the Child as a Messenger – Instead of communicating with their ex, the parent makes the child relay messages.
Example: “Tell your mom/dad he's/she's late on child support again. Maybe if she/he cared about you, she’d/he'd pay on time.”
Making the Child Responsible for Their Happiness – The child is made to feel guilty for not fulfilling the parent’s emotional needs.
Example: “You’re all I have left. If you spend time with your dad/mom, I’ll be all alone.”
Expecting the Child to Mediate Arguments – The parent pulls the child into adult fights, making them take sides.
Example: “Can you tell your father/mother to stop harassing me about the custody schedule? He/She only listens to you.”
Guilt-Tripping the Child for Having a Life – The parent gets jealous of the child’s independence.
Example: “You’re going to hang out with your friends again? I sit here alone every night, and you don’t even care.”
Treating the Child Like a Romantic Partner – The parent seeks emotional intimacy and validation from the child.
Example: “I don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend; you’re the only one I need in my life.”
Making the Child Their “Therapist” During Custody Battles – The parent vents legal frustrations to the child.
Example: “Your dad/mom is trying to take you away from me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
Oversharing About Dating or Sex Life – The parent discusses inappropriate romantic or sexual details with the child.
Example: “I met this man/woman, but I’m scared to date again after how your mom/dad betrayed me. What do you think I should do?”
2. Physical Parentification
(This happens when a child becomes the parent’s caregiver or household manager, taking on responsibilities beyond their age.)
10 Examples of Physical Parentification:
Becoming the Parent’s Caretaker – The child must cook, clean, and take care of the parent’s needs instead of being cared for.
Example: A 12-year-old making dinner every night because their parent is “too stressed” to cook.
Acting as a Substitute Spouse – The parent expects the child to provide companionship and comfort like a partner would.
Example: “Sleep in my bed tonight—I hate being alone in this empty house.”
Taking Care of Younger Siblings – The child raises their siblings instead of the parent doing it.
Example: “I need you to watch your little brother after school every day while I work.”
Handling Household Chores Meant for Adults – The child does all the cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping.
Example: “I can’t deal with housework right now. Make sure the dishes and laundry are done before I get home.”
Managing Adult Responsibilities – The parent expects the child to handle bills, appointments, or other adult tasks.
Example: A 14-year-old calling the electric company to negotiate a payment plan for overdue bills.
Being the Parent’s Driver – If old enough, the child acts as the parent’s personal chauffeur.
Example: “Since you have your license now, you need to drive me to work and pick me up every day.”
Skipping School or Activities to Care for the Parent – The child must miss out on normal childhood experiences to fulfill parental duties.
Example: “I don’t feel well today. Can you stay home from school to take care of me?”
Doing the Parent’s Emotional Labor in Social Situations – The child is expected to manage the parent’s friendships or keep them entertained.
Example: “Call Aunt Linda and apologize for me—I don’t want to deal with her drama right now.”
Taking on a Job to Support the Parent – The parent relies on the child’s income to pay bills.
Example: A 16-year-old is pressured to get a job because their parent “can’t do it alone.”
Being Responsible for the Parent’s Substance Use Issues – The child must manage or cover up the parent’s addiction.
Example: “If anyone asks, tell them I’m just tired—not drunk.”
The Long-Term Impact of Parentification
Children who experience parentification often grow into adults who struggle with:
Chronic anxiety and depression
Difficulty setting boundaries in relationships
Guilt when prioritizing their own needs
A tendency toward codependency and people-pleasing
Emotional exhaustion and resentment
Struggles with self-worth and self-care
Emotional regression and addictions
Breaking free from parentification requires recognizing the unfair burden placed on the children and seeking support systems and healthier boundaries.
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