You have been going through ups and downs for a while with your spouse, but the thought of letting go seems more painful than staying in the red zone. There’s so much negativity, but you have adapted over the years and have gotten used to it. It’s become your new norm.
But, that’s not really what you want for yourself, or do you?
Here Are 9 Signs To Getting Clear On Whether To Leave Your Spouse
1. Your Relationship With Your Spouse Brings You More Pain Than Joy
You find yourself sitting at the kitchen table eating in silence with each other. The thought of telling them about your day seems almost silly these days as they rarely ask you about it anyway. You try to appreciate the time you have with them, but it feels more painful than joyful. You still have hope in your heart when you think about them, yet the days seem to keep getting darker as more time passes by. And, even though they are only a foot away the distance between the two of you seems like thousands of miles away.
2. You Keep Making Up Excuses For Your Spouse’s Behavior
Anytime your friends or family ask where your significant other is you typically fib to avoid talking about your relationship. Trying to keep things “hush, hush” out of fear of judgment can definitely weigh heavily on your inner spirit. You know your family always has your best interest, but at the same time you haven’t made up your mind on what’s best for you. So it’s easier to say your spouse had prior commitments or they aren’t feeling good, then say you are living in separate bedrooms.
3. Your Values And Goals No Longer Align With Each Other
You and your spouse have been living separate lifestyles for the past few years. What once kept you together, seems to have dwindled away. You take different vacations, you have separate hobbies, you haven’t talked about what you both want as it always turns into an argument. As the relationship has continued the divide between you and your spouse seems to grow bigger and bigger. It's like you are living with a stranger, not your spouse.
4. Your Spouse Refuses To Respect Your Boundaries
It's the same argument over and over again, as it all goes back to your spouse not respecting your values based on your emotional needs. And every time you set a boundary, they walk away as if you were expressing yourself to a ghost in the room. This frustrates you more and more leaving you feeling trapped. You are starting to outgrow the relationship because there’s no respect. And without respect, there’s no trust or honesty.
5. You Continuously Relive Past Memories Instead Of Focusing On The Present
Tossing and turning every night has become routine. You keep replaying old memories like a broken record player playing a scratched vinyl. You do your best to get up and make the most out of your day, but then you are simply reminded when you see their face of all the hurt and pain they have caused you. You try to move on for yourself and live each day for the best, but then you notice something reminds you of your spouse. The nightmare continues to live in your waking hours and dreams.
6.You Self-Blame Yourself For The Marital Issues
You find yourself blaming and beating yourself up because your spouse psychologically is emotionally abusive, making you feel like it's all your fault. Deep down in your gut, you know you didn’t cause all of this but then you cannot remember the facts because you are emotionally depleted with anger and resentment. The minute you start to seek the light, your spouse emotionally berates you for not having dinner on the table after work. No matter what you say or do, you can’t win. You start to tell yourself something must be wrong with me.
7. You Never Feel Appreciated, Loved, Or Respected By Your Spouse
Doing their laundry, cooking your spouse dinner, and cleaning the house, has become your weekly household chore. And when you go out of your way to show them how much you do for them, your spouse tells you it’s your job even when you still work full-time. Being a caregiver comes naturally to you, but they rarely appreciate or respect the time you spend doing things to make them happy. They actually feel they deserve to be pampered because it’s how they were raised.
8. You Stay Hoping Your Spouse Will Change For The Better
It’s eating at your core, and you’re not sure if you should believe your mind or what your heart feels. You are basking in confusion because you still have hope every time they take interest in you for a split second. Thought of walking away seems terrifying because you would feel like you failed at your marriage goals. And, each time they take you out to dinner for your birthday or buy you a nice gift during the holidays, you feel like there is still a bit of romance left.
9. Your Spouse Spends More Time With Friends And Family Than You
Your spouse seems to always have plans on the weekends that don’t include you. They claim they are too busy to hang out yet, they are usually with their friends up to no good. Each time you try to make plans in advance, they tell you they can’t make plans that far out. You try to be patient, but more weekends pass by with no quality time. Not to mention, your spouse claims they see you every day and they never get to see their friends or family. You seem to always come second.
I think you should call a marriage quits when you've exhausted every option. At least then you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried everything. It's not uncommon for people to be on the brink of divorce, and then end up having long, happy marriage's together. You don't necessarily have to get counseling or anything, nowadays there is excellent help online.